Maybe Technology Good?

Pondering First World Solutions

This week’s piece was delayed by a (literal) whirlwind thunderstorm sweeping through my city last night, knocking the power out of several thousand homes and leaving me without a means of charging my laptop for 23 hours. It was devastating, thank you. But in the quietude that this disaster afforded me, being as I was devoid of wifi, I came up with a list of technological advances that I actually appreciate. I’m sure you’ve read articles upon articles about how “Society is A Phone,” so perhaps some positivity will be refreshing.

Refrigerators

I spent my apocalyptic Wednesday —the day after the storm — at my local coffee shop, which had oodles of power and was suffering not at all. Nor was I, and nor were the dozen other unplugged refugees who had also been forced out of their hovels and into the sunshine.

At one harrowing moment, we received news from the electric company that the power might not come back on for a good 5 to 7 business days. I did contemplate purchasing a cooler for my frozen store of meat, which, as the hours ticked on, was presumably breeding a delightful family of bacteria. I am a generous host, but I do not prefer to invite parasites into my gut microbiome. That’s just my boundary. Refrigerators are one piece of technology I wouldn’t eschew for any era of cool fashion. As exciting as it would be for an ice truck to come rumbling down the street, with the ice man and my big block of weekly ice for my ice chest, I like a nice clean electric situation.

Boundaries/AirPods

I kind of imagine the world without modern technology as one big Victorian Street. You know those scenes in period movies where everyone is walking on the street in London? For some reason, the traffic is totally unregulated and the main characters are always about to be run over by a flower cart.

People complain about the concept of “boundaries” in the 21st century because they think it interferes with some great ideal of “community.” But what if “community” included getting run over by flower carts, or little street urchins stealing cigarette butts out of your mouth? Wouldn’t you wish you had drawn a boundary with those urchins? But you couldn’t, because boundaries didn’t exist before 1992, when the book “Boundaries” was published by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

I guess he should have learned how to say “no.”

As I was walking home from the coffee shop, I was also wondering what one of those people on the street would think of AirPods. Maybe they would like them. They wouldn’t have to hear “Oy, watch where you’re going, you plodder!” or “Please, sir, a ha’penny? A ha’penny for an old woman!”

What would they listen to on their AirPods? Perhaps just recordings of their sisters playing the piano in the parlor, which, judging by old novels, was the absolute height of entertainment. Perhaps the biggest danger is that Beatrice’s minuet would block out the sound of a flower cart hurtling toward them at full speed.

Medicine

This one is perhaps controversial, because many of our readers have spent years telling themselves and others that huffing peppermint oil is always better than Tylenol. I’m not here to judge, just here to spit some facts about what went on pre-Tylenol.

Are you into the idea of bloodletting? Be honest. Essential oils look nice on an Instagram post, but bloodletting sure doesn’t! How about leeches? Would you like leeches to suck the toxins out of your body? Or taking pus from smallpox wounds and putting it into your skin as a means of inoculation? Say what you will about modern vaccines, but at least they’re … not like that.

And don’t even get me started on childbirth. You already know my feelings there.

Take one look at the courtiers’ faces and tell me you “don’t trust Western medicine.”

Showers

Guys, I’ve done a deep dive into this (by which I mean I watched one exhaustive and informative YouTube video) and I have concluded that people didn’t necessarily stink before showers existed. I am also convinced that wearing clothes made out of plastic, which did not happen throughout most of history, makes us stink more than we need to.

But I’ve got to say, as much as I love slipping into a nice bath at the end of the day, I prefer it as a means of relaxation. If the only way I had to get clean was to sit in, essentially, a soup made of my own sweat and juices, I would find it cumbersome and clean myself less frequently. Plus, the servants would have to run back and forth with those kettles of hot water, which would be awkward. I guess I’m just assuming that I would have servants. Which leads me to my next point.

Dishwashers, Washing Machines, and Dryers

Need I say more? Seriously. Imagine that, instead of an electric dishwasher, you had a young woman named Betty whom you had to feed and clothe and speak to. Yawn! Also, you know that Betty is running around at night with the Bidwells’ footman Tom, and you already get looks from Mrs. Bidwell down at the shops for the poor quality of your clothes, even though your husband makes about half the money that Mr. Bidwell makes, and she knows it. The last thing you need is Georgia Bidwell thinking that you don’t know how to keep your servants in check. But that Betty is just so obstinate and self-willed! You want to knock some sense into her, but really, she reminds you of yourself at 16, stubborn as a half-broke horse and just trying to find a place for yourself in this world.

Sorry, I got a little off-track there.

Effie daydreaming about Betty’s antics, or Betty plotting her next tryst? You decide.

Artificial Intelligence

Can you imagine if I had to write this myself?

Conclusion

I hope you walk away from this piece with a little more appreciation for Western comforts. I sure did! And try not to think about how many of these things are still unavailable to 75% of the world, because it will devalue my point and make me look like a chump. Toodles! Don’t forget to rein in that wild Betty!

—E.S.F

Image credits:

1. Photo of Lillian Schwartz, pioneering computer artist — unknown photographer

2. A Man Praying to the Virgin as He Is Run Over by a Horse-Drawn Cart Carrying Textiles — unknown artist

3. Illus. from Boccaccio's Decameron, use of leeches — unknown artist

4. A servant girl, three-quarter length, scouring a brass bucket — Willem van Odekercken